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Description Dear Kate,

I married my husband February 29th in a very small ceremony. It was just our parents and siblings and very impromptu. We’re happily married except for one issue — my husband has yet to break the news to his paternal grandparents. My whole family learned through Facebook and phone calls. My husband doesn’t have a relationship with his father but he lived with his grandparents for a year while in school! I have no idea what the appropriate way to break the news to his side of the family without giving them heart attacks, hurting feelings, and ruining relationships.

Signed,
Living in Guilt

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Dear Living in Guilt;

Congratulations on your nuptials and sorry to hear that there is absolutely anything putting a damper on your happiness during your first year as a married couple.
My answer to this one is simple and blunt:

Just tell the truth.

Honesty Dog

But not just that you got married. The truths are this:

It was impromptu
It was a very small ceremony
That you feel sad about them not being there
That you care about them very much and that you haven’t told them because the idea of hurting their feelings was difficult for you.
In my opinion, truth means relating to people on a human level and explaining things in a way that they can understand and feel sympathetic towards.

Everyone makes mistakes, and hindsight is 20/20 with a magnifying glass.

It is impossible to go back and change what has already happened, but you can make right what will happen from here forward.

Though I think the question that begs for an answer is why you are the one left to clean this up, and what role is your husband playing in fixing this? Obviously, now that you are family, you have to share these responsibilities — but this seems to be more of his issue than yours.

What was his reason for not telling them to begin with? Was it simply an oversight or was there more to it than that? I think maybe this is something to consider. If he doesn’t feel close enough to them to invite them to something like this, maybe they understand and feel the same way.

I think it’s worth having this conversation with your hubby and asking him why he avoided telling them.

As the new addition to the family, you can do better in the future. Be proactive by including his grandparents in your lives as much as possible now. If you two are considering having kids of your own, make sure that they are included in all that comes along with that.

Let them know that even though they might not have been present for your spontaneous nuptials, that you fully intend to include them in the rest of your lives together and are grateful and excited to have them along for the journey.

They might not understand right away and they might even be really mad — but family is love, and love is forgiveness, so if you and your fella are honest and kind, they will eventually get over this small bump in the road and I trust it will be clear roads ahead for you and your new family.

In-Laws Baby Skunk

Aren’t in-laws the best?

:)

Kate

I got married but we haven’t told our in-laws yet. How should we approach this?

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